Sleep Murder

EDIT: I knew it!!

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Is sleep murder possible? This topic ironically has kept me awake these past few nights, and sleepless nights are not good for an already cranky and angry man such as myself. Sometimes I’m so full of rage that all I can do as I lie their waiting for the sweet release of sleep is to imagine killing various celebrities and former co-workers with large heavy and quite often blunt objects. It’s really quite worrying, I mean the thoughts themselves are relieving, I often find myself grinning as I start laying into another Big Brother contestant, but what if it was possible to hate so much that you could commit sleep murder?

By this of course I mean the murder of somebody in your sleep. Seeing as people have been known to drive a car, cook a meal or watch TV in their sleep, I’m willing to bet that it’s just my luck that the answer is yes.

Now technically if such an event did happen, I couldn’t be held responsible for my dreamt actions could I? How would I prove that I was asleep at the time of the murder? Now since being unemployed I have watched many, many episodes of CSI (the original and New York not that awful Miami one that makes me want to randomly hammer the buttons on the remote to get as far away from it’s smug pale imitation glow as possible) and I’m fairly certain there are no scientific tests for such an occurrence, which would mean I would have very little defence if such a case went to trial.

My only answer so far has been to strap myself into bed and make sure all the knives in the house are securely locked away, I may be bitter twisted and wish Paul O’Grady dead on a daily basis, but truth be told I’d hate for it to really happen one night when I was asleep….

No, if I was going to do it I’d want to be wide awake.

- Mr Winston