Expand your Mind

Sometimes it takes a crazy person with 3 cross headed screwdrivers and a lust for blood only quelled by excessive amounts of Sesame Street to make you question your recent life decisions. Namely those that involve posting adverts on dating websites for homicidal children’s TV fanatics with a penchant for DIY.

But I digress.

The reason I found myself with yet more puncture wounds and that dang ABCs song in my head for a full week is that I was trying to expand my mind. Y’know that thing that sits in your head (if you’re lucky) and that, unbeknownst to you, keeps your body ticking, your lungs breathing, eyes blinking and occasionally your feet tapping. Well a few weeks ago I woke up and realised I had that January rot, you know the feeling that unless my mind started being more active, seeing new things, doing new things it would solidify into a permanent state, such that any future attempts to reshape or mould it would simply crack it’s fragile shell causing it to leak, egg-like, through the crevices of my behaviour. Metaphorically, of course, or at least I damn well hope so.

Well I was not going to site for that, cue my attempts at conversation with fellow housemates that extended beyond grunts and the throwing of saucepans, something that I consider a minor success; for example did you know Toby is not a natural blonde? It does have its downsides though as Toledo insisted on showing the entire Pimp my Ride UK series one. Needless to say my eyes will never be the same.

But so far so good I thought, my mind has been expanded, admittedly to areas of hate I usually reserve only for talkshow hosts and reality TV but it was a start. It was thus that I found myself in the lonely hearts section seeking a connection. Now before you worry too much dear reader may I just say that the ad I posted (homicidal, kids TV, DIY) was simply a joke to see if such a person existed. I think the fact that my left arm looks like a piece of Swiss cheese would serve as my answer, and a warning for the future.

But I am not deterred. Next week I have signed up to a self defence class and in my spare time I will be trying to learn how to the play the flute (now you see the need for self-defence classes.) So I urge you too to try something new, give your mind something new to worry about and constantly analyse. As someone once said this life is for living, not painting giant swear worlds on the side of our neighbours’ houses. Well maybe that was only to me but the message is universal, if we stay still even the world moves past us and nobody likes playing catch up.

Now who knows anything about skidoo racing?