'That is the worst cup of tea I have ever tasted!'
My boss will yell this daily, often accompanying this sentement by vomiting on the floor or throwing the cup at my face.
I just don't get it.
Day after day I try new ideas, he likes milk but no sugar so I've tried a slither of milk - vomit.
OK then loads of milk - that one gave me a six inch gash on my cheek.
I've tried semi-skimmed milk, full-fat milk, goats milk, baby's milk (don't ask), condensed milk (not a smart choice but I was desperate...)
Nothing works.
It's bad enough being demeaned to the level where you are literally the office tea boy but I am determined not to let this beat me. Apparently he is the reason eight other tea-boys have left in the past year. Four of them never made tea again.
Well not me.
The others in the office love my tea, they smile and offer me sweet sentiments, but none believe I can make one the boss won't hate. I see them glancing at the frosted glass of his office, his ominous shadow reflected strongly as I walk towards, the tea tray shaking in my hands. Their collectively bated breath fills the room with silence, and the inevitable retching or crashing accompanies their exhaling.
It is a demoralising situation folks, but for now I will not quit, I will struggle on until, one day when the vein in my head throbs so hard I burst a blood vessel, I waltz in their with a mug full of acid and throw in in my boss's smug, tea-hating face.
The sirens will inform you when that day comes, for my own sake as well as yours I hope it is not soon.
Crash. Vomit. Stitches.
... another day counts down.
- Toledo
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4 comments:
Perhaps his grandfather on his illegitimate mother's side was actually an American and so that which he is craving, that even he isn't aware of, isn't tea and crumpets but rather coffee... and a doughnut.
Or perhaps he's just an absolute wanker--a complete and utter bastard--a snardely froxlepuss, (or whatever other adorable colloquialisms 'yall have.)
Have you tried peach tea? I've heard it's very nice!
I wouldn't know the first thing about tea so I can't advise. I've only had it twice in my life.
The first time was January 6th 1993. Christmas and New Year were over but I was still off school. Grown ups have a tendancy to try and drag you out of your childhood and so I was made to try it.
The second time was somewhere in 2003, a close friend advocated it. I was staying with him, in his house, at the time. I moved on soon afterwards.
From the look of things I'm due a cup of tea in 2013, but I'm sure as hell not going to ask you to make it, seeing as how you can't make tea for shit.
That is an excellent point Latigo, though I do doubt Coffee is the answer, apparently the last office boy left encased in the cappacino machine with severe bloodloss...
Peach tea may well be tried next week Danny but if I have it thrown in my face you're paying for the reconstructive surgery,
Oh and Bad, if I'm still making tea in 2013 I may well kill anyone who asks for me a cup so it's probably best you keep your distance.
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