One of the key ingredients to personal happiness comes from the admiration of others, and the ambition this spawns in ourselves to improve. Like when I saw Mr Winston eat an entire loaf of bread during the Eastenders omnibus and I repeated the feat later the same evening. Of course they were showing the Evil Dead that night on BBC 2 and, strangely, I swear when we were cleaning up the mess we found five end pieces.
Anyway my point is that by reading about heroic acts, and how famous people we pretend to have heard of have overcome problems such as alcohol, divorce and murder it makes us smile knowingly and feel empowered to change our lives. As a self-help guru I feel it is my duty this very day to give you such a tale that will shake you to your core, stir up tears in your rarely-used and dusty tear ducts and just darn pack your heart so full of resolve that it will beat in your chest like a jackhammer. The story comes from my own soon-to-be released autobiography ‘Roll in my happiness and smell of it all day’ which is due for publication at the end of the year.
If this doesn’t make you happy and proud to continue living your life to the full every moment you draw breath then I really don’t know what will. Maybe you could try reading it again…?
Anyway my point is that by reading about heroic acts, and how famous people we pretend to have heard of have overcome problems such as alcohol, divorce and murder it makes us smile knowingly and feel empowered to change our lives. As a self-help guru I feel it is my duty this very day to give you such a tale that will shake you to your core, stir up tears in your rarely-used and dusty tear ducts and just darn pack your heart so full of resolve that it will beat in your chest like a jackhammer. The story comes from my own soon-to-be released autobiography ‘Roll in my happiness and smell of it all day’ which is due for publication at the end of the year.
If this doesn’t make you happy and proud to continue living your life to the full every moment you draw breath then I really don’t know what will. Maybe you could try reading it again…?
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The Beast and Me
Its raspy breath could be heard from across the street. The jostling of passers by disguised it but I felt it in my very bones. Its eyes were on me, its spine tense and rigid. I walked normally, casually even, given the task at hand. My palms started to sweat but I kept my focus and clenched my fists harder.
Suddenly I saw it. From across the road its gleaming markings stood out a mile. I froze and took in the situation. People continued to cross in front of me, passing by unaware of the danger. Inside I wanted to scream and warn them, but I knew they would never escape in time. Composing myself I continued walking, but then changed direction stealthily. I kept my eyes focused ahead and prayed inside that it had not seen my ploy, a quick glance back relieved my worry. It was still frozen there, eyes forward, alert.
I was now behind it and, as there was a lull in the commuters that surrounded us, I leapt onto it. Struggling against my weight it slipped and started to fall, I knew how dangerous this could be and steadied its weight against mine, pinning it against the metal railing where it was fixed. Making sure it was at arms length I proceeded to wildly seek the chain that was looped around its neck. I grabbed it, fighting with all my might against its metallic jaws. Quickly I entered the code then yanked apart the chain.
It was free.
Finally calmed from the confines of its captivity the beast stood there, proud and alone. Its look seemed to offer understanding and thanks. Its body relaxed and I knew it was tamed. My clothes were torn, my hair wild and I was bleeding from several body wounds, but I had emerged victorious. Those who were walking past had stopped by now and were staring at the strange site of it and myself; I paid the crowd no attention, this was my battle and I did not want their thanks or their attention.
Turning back I calmly and heroically mounted the now tame beast, my hands grasping the handlebars, my feel slipping neatly into the peddles, and as they began to turn rhythmically I rode away into the sunset and away from that accursed high street forever.
Its raspy breath could be heard from across the street. The jostling of passers by disguised it but I felt it in my very bones. Its eyes were on me, its spine tense and rigid. I walked normally, casually even, given the task at hand. My palms started to sweat but I kept my focus and clenched my fists harder.
Suddenly I saw it. From across the road its gleaming markings stood out a mile. I froze and took in the situation. People continued to cross in front of me, passing by unaware of the danger. Inside I wanted to scream and warn them, but I knew they would never escape in time. Composing myself I continued walking, but then changed direction stealthily. I kept my eyes focused ahead and prayed inside that it had not seen my ploy, a quick glance back relieved my worry. It was still frozen there, eyes forward, alert.
I was now behind it and, as there was a lull in the commuters that surrounded us, I leapt onto it. Struggling against my weight it slipped and started to fall, I knew how dangerous this could be and steadied its weight against mine, pinning it against the metal railing where it was fixed. Making sure it was at arms length I proceeded to wildly seek the chain that was looped around its neck. I grabbed it, fighting with all my might against its metallic jaws. Quickly I entered the code then yanked apart the chain.
It was free.
Finally calmed from the confines of its captivity the beast stood there, proud and alone. Its look seemed to offer understanding and thanks. Its body relaxed and I knew it was tamed. My clothes were torn, my hair wild and I was bleeding from several body wounds, but I had emerged victorious. Those who were walking past had stopped by now and were staring at the strange site of it and myself; I paid the crowd no attention, this was my battle and I did not want their thanks or their attention.
Turning back I calmly and heroically mounted the now tame beast, my hands grasping the handlebars, my feel slipping neatly into the peddles, and as they began to turn rhythmically I rode away into the sunset and away from that accursed high street forever.
- Toby
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