1 – I finally managed to play the entire McFly album whilst circled the neighbourhood in my sporty Renault Clio with the windows down. In total I went around the block 21 times sustaining only critical injuries. My previous best attempt was last Thursday when I got up to track nine before somebody threw a live Kestrel in through the back window and it managed to claw at my face so much that I crashed into Mrs Vickerson’s swimming pool where the bird, sadly, drowned.
2 – I learned the Monday edition of Westwood’s Radio One show off by heart.
3 – I smoked an entire pack of cigarettes by myself down by one of the local underpasses just to prove that I don’t only do it when other people are around. I was sick for three days and can’t feel my tongue but it was worth it.
4 – I successfully made the lovely and beautiful Carly cry by insulting her family and throwing tin cans at her dogs. A few more weeks of this and she’s guaranteed to know how much I adore her.
5 – I watched every single world cup game this week, even those that were on at the same time then recited Alan Hansen’s opinions about England’s defending weaknesses to the kids that hang out down the ally in town. At first I though they were accepting me, but then I realised I was shaking hands with a knife.
6 – I used up my entire month’s worth of text messages in one day of conversation with Shenka that ended in an argument about which Big Brother housemate we would rather sleep with. He said Aisleen but unfortunately the only name I could remember from the show was Pete, he hasn’t spoken to me since.
7 – I slept a total of 85 hours this week, which is more hours than I was awake.
8 – I went playing down the park and successfully made it across the monkey bars and the rope bridge without falling, at the fifth attempt. Things went downhill after that though as I managed to get my arm jammed in the merry-go-round for over three hours before a kindly gentleman released me, called an ambulance, and stole my wallet.
My cool thing to do next week is find the kid that fastened my sleeve to the middle bar of the roundabout and blow spitballs at him until he either cries or gets his older brother to punch me in the face.
- Toledo
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2 comments:
Oh darn it--now I'm in love with Carly too.
Hey, if the older brother happens to punch you in the face harder than mortality allows, can I be next in line to do wretched things to her until she cries?
Mortality can be a trickey thing, for some can survive falling from the tallest tree in the forest onto a stack of pine cones deliberately placed by the cunning local wildlife where they are then set upon by said wildlife and bitten more times than they can count, all in the name of love... or spying though Carly's window with Mr Winston's binoculars.
So to answer your question, yes, yes you can, just make sure she cries real good, then maybe in some small way she will think of me and my heroic, face-punching, death.
- Toledo
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